i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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