I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
