Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
