I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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