I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
