I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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