So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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