please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
