I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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