i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
