he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
