you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I currently don't understand fingers.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
