I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
