is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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