haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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