I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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