I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
