You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
