Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
found the other keg... it's in the tree
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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