remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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