I showed him my bush... on skype.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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