so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize