I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize