thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
