I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
