so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
