I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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