She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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