Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
