I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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