i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize