I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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