We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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