somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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