Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
