Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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