just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
