How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
