Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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