Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
