OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
