His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
