Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
