wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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