i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize