There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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