All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Enjoy the penises
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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