i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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