I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
