I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
