it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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