; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Randomize