happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
P.S. I can't hear my feet
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
