TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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