she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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