What a fucking waste of an outfit
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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