I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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