I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
