Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize