so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He did a backflip because drugs
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
