I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
