they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
