you guys were way drunker than both of me
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
