yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
