I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
