So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
