Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
