Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
